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The Devastating Days After




Today I woke up reluctantly after a fitful and ghastly night's sleep.

Took Cam to school as normal and avoided any questions asking how P is.

Cried all the way home in the car. Did a LOT of crying in the car those weeks...

Paul decided to go to Eastbourne and break the news to his mum.

We asked her to act normally around Cam as Paul is paranoid about him finding out. She is strong but I wonder how I'd feel if it was Cam? Utterly devastating..

We are struggling to get our heads around this and I just can't accept he will die.

I went to the hairdresser as I had an appointment anyway. I don't know why I went.. just on autopilot for some reason.. but my lovely, lovely friend Lucy was in there and I had to tell her outside the salon.

(I still think God sent her in there to book an appointment, and it was no coincidence)

I crumpled and she just couldn't believe it. She sat and listened over a cuppa as I hyperventilated out our predicament.

I still have no idea why but I got my hair cut in a teary daze before Sarah Q came over to be with me - and tried to force-feed me cake (she knows I don't eat when I'm stressed)

Paul told Mich so Gen and Mich "popped over" so I wasn't on my own. We couldn't talk much about it because Cam was around, but I knew they were as devastated as I was.. and there for support..wonderful friends.

My "scottish sister" Sarah F flew down on the Friday. She's a scientist and burst into tears when I croaked the news over the phone. "Oh God, Jill, NO. Noooo? Not mesothelioma??!"

She knows too much.

We met other Sarah Q for a walk on the common. My trusted girlfriends tried to distract Cam as I found it hard to keep it together. Just kept looking at my man walking in front of us in disbelief that this was even happening.. Panic and devastation kept kicking in..

Sarah F had Cam whilst we went for Paul's scan. Lucy J so kindly took over and had him overnight...so I could accompany Paul to PETscan (He'd still be too radioactive to be around Cam)

Our little army of friends could NOT have been more amazing.

We thought sod it and met some friends for a curry post-scan. A few wines and support from SuperGen, Mich and co helped us to feel a bit normal, and distract us from our grim reality.


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