Today's the day life would change entirely.

We turned up for a routine check up following a successful operation on a collapsed lung as a result of pneumonia (my hubby had a bad cough and refused to stop working/cycling/busy life and see a doc)

Our lovely surgeon Carol Tan told us Paul has cancer.

One so rare it's treatable, but as yet, INCURABLE.

Paul has mesothelioma.

Caused by asbestos.

"Sorry...what?? ....what did you just say?"

Cut to my husband running out of the hospital and vomiting on the side of the car park.. We had both gone white with shock, and I don't remember much more other than "terminal"

I blurrily remember Carol coming out to get us and ushering us back into her office.

She couldn't have been kinder - but asked us if we'd really had no idea.

She'd asked us a few times if Paul had had any exposure to asbestos but we really didn't think much of it - and had NEVER heard of mesothelioma.

I thought asbestos had disappeared with the ark...

She had to write down EPITHELIOD PLEURAL MESOTHELIOMA on a piece of paper for me.

Someone may as well have just given me a blow to the brain.

You just go blank and numb and feel sick.

I also sort of remember Paul saying he'd get me some money, and I'd be okay. (?!) (Trust him to be more worried about me!!?)

A cold-sweat sickening nightmare scenario that most folks wake up from thanking God it's not real.. But it was. Please say you've made a big mistake, I kept thinking as she explained she'd sent the results back twice to double check...

Paul just wanted to know if he could cycle the Lands End to John OGroats race in 2019..

He doesn't want to die.

As we drove away in silence, "Happy" by Pharrell played.. (We used to love that song)

We got home.

I called my mum and cried then my friend Gen to see if she could have Cam.

I don't think she'll ever forget that phone call.

Can't eat.

Utterly bewildered and struggling to get words out..

Paul and I went for a walk in the park trying to make sense of what we'd just been told. I don't think we really did..

Had to explain to the mum of the kid who was supposed to be coming home with us for a playdate. She tried so hard not to burst into tears and keep it together. The truth is she looked horrified.

Trying not to cry and remain strong around our oblivious 5 year old son Cam, but tears are streaming down my face in the front of the car when I ask our little boy about his day at school.

Ms Tan had made an appointment with a top oncologist later that day.

Mary O'Brien at Parkside Cancer centre.

She told us we had anything around a year..possibly 3 - definitely not 10..

Thoroughly deflated and beaten, we made our way home with the prospect of a PETscan on the Friday to find out if he is riddled with the disease.. How on earth can this be real??

Mesothelioma - aka joy vacuum and beast.

We've just been told Paul is dying.

Utterly.

Destroyed.