September Scan Results
Prof Mary very kindly said we didn't need to go in for Paul's PETscan results but that she'd just phone us.
As she didn't say a time we just (stupidly) assumed it would be the normal time of 4 so by 6.30 we were seriously sweating!
Your mind starts to come up with various ideas like.. "it's bad news so that's why there's a delay..they're figuring out what to tell us" and Paul was equally convinced that something bad had been detected.
I honestly don't know how you describe the scan results days. You wake up okay but then remember what day it is and your stomach tends to rule the day churning away and you have to try and keep your mind off mesothelioma as much as possible and really concentrate hard on the most mundane of tasks. There's just this horrible, nasty fear that follows you around like a black cloud. You feel anxious, sick, like you're looking in on your life from elsewhere.. but mainly just small and scared.
If you've ever watched Sliding Doors you'll understand there are 2 very different avenues that your life can take.
However most people are in some kind of charge of which one they take.
Scan days are grim because you have absolutely zero control over whether the evil that is cancer has decided to rear it's head again and throw your nice, contented life onto the road to hell...
When Paul texted me from the train to say Mary had called and the scan was okay, I literally screamed like a mad woman...a total NUTJOB.
Cam ran through and I hugged him VERY HARD.
We celebrated that night and boy did we feel exceptionally grateful and joyful. We'd stared down the other side of the sliding door and it wasn't pretty so it felt incredibly good to go back to our fairly uneventful normality.
I prayed a lot of thanks to God that Tuesday night.
We're not daft though. I know Paul's never really out of danger. We live our lives in 6 month scan cycles now.. but it feels so good to have this opportunity - to live life FULLY and appreciate it.
Cam has his 11+ exams coming up so has been working hard.. and we just got the official diagnosis of dyslexia (which he's been cleverly masking)so we're hoping that extra time and various strategies will help. He's also on the school footie team and being put forward for art scholarships which he's excited about.
Paul is training away for a half marathon(!) in November and also playing (another) new sport - tennis! Unlike most of Britain who are dreading this incoming storm today, Paul is rejoicing at the opportunity of wind for kitesurfing!
I'm working away on various websites and we've booked a Morzine ski holiday for 20 of us for Feb after all Cam's assessments etc. Also have some fabulous news about the charity coming up.. it's going to be a game changer..
So all in all, feeling hopeful, grateful and positive! (Don't all barf at once)
"In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity" Albert Einstein