Cisplatin, Pemetrexed and Avastin....

The combination of chemicals that will hopefully kill/reduce the cancer in Paul.

It's scary going in to Wimbledon Parkside Cancer Centre.

Even being in a hospital where CANCER is in the headline is nuts.

How on earth did we end up here??!

The nurses are lovely.

They've seen our "rabbits caught in the headlights sort" hundreds of times before..

We must look terrified.

But some of the people are in obvious wigs and look frail - or worse - lonely..

And even weirder - some are having foot massages!!???

However, the mood amongst the nurses and patients (upon further inspection) is upbeat. The head nurse is a joker and quite frankly, wonderful.

The woman who looks after food and beverages is a fellow Scot and talks about how her hubby has survived and beaten 3 types of cancer. Love her.

Another couple who are the only lot who look younger than us (reckon mid 30s) come in only to be sent home as his bloods aren't right..his wife is fighting the tears..

However, when one nurse asks what Paul has and I say mesothelioma, she says "Oh darling, it's okay to cry"

What the flip..

Seriously. That's it??!!

Paul told another enquirer who simply said nothing and squeezed his arm. I'm not sure what was worse.

This is the problem with mesothelioma.

No one knows what to do with you. They just think "Dead soon"

Apparently they had a big meeting with oncologists and surgeons and consultants this morning about Paul. Our oncologist campaigned with BUPA to get us Avastin which is not readily available on NHS. We are so flipping fortunate to get this drug.. ridiculously. I can't tell you how much we appreciate our care.

Mum and Grahame "gramps" are here. Our 2 staunchest supporters. (They pretty much navigated us through the first few cycles of chemo)

Towers of support for us.

And we can cry.

I don't know what we'd have done without them.

They offered us financial support if we need it.

Paul cried at that, as it's been a concern with me not working.

And because I gave up my career for Paul's business, it's difficult for me to go back to.. things have moved on in my industry..

The future just seems so utterly messed up right now.

Anyhow first day of chemo took 13 hours and until 11pm at night as Paul's heart wasn't coping with the Cisplatin.

The process felt really gruelling but we had best of care and subsequent chemo got changed from Cisplatin to Carboplatin.. faster to absorb and less side effects for P in terms of sickness and heart strain.

Got quite a shock as Paul seemed okay on the steroids. Took to his bike a lot and got on with life as normal.

In fact he felt a bit TOO well..

The big shocker came on Saturday where he really got down.. His sunny self clouded over. My husband disappeared.

We found out this was due to the comedown from the steroids. I'm not sure this was explained to us, but boy was it a shock!?!?

He felt awful. He could easily have just given up at the starting gates.

Awful to watch him go through this.

HUGE crash...

My strong husband cried at anything on Netflix..

But he also got his sorry butt out of bed and made his walks.

And apparently Cam told a play date he thinks both mummy and daddy are going to die.

We sat him down and explained that daddy's lungs weren't well so he has to take medicine that makes him worse before he can get better. Cam seemed happier for being "in the know"

I hate you mesothelioma.

You are a nasty (insert rude words) of a cancer.

You were not invited into our lives and I'm kicking your ass out.

Beggar off!!