We met the most depressing surgeon ever this am after waiting 2.5 hours.

We named him Doctor Death because he kept on going on about the cancer coming back, patients not making it, and the surgery not necessarily working, pateints being in pain for the rest of their lives post-surgery and even told us not to expect any reductions in tumours after 2 rounds of chemo..

I feel genuinely sorry that he has such a tricky job which has resulted in all hope and positivity being wiped from his repertoire. I could see Paul's shoulders start to sag throughout our consultation.

I felt pretty gutted afterwards and told Paul to erase the last hour of our lives.

We're going with the other positive guy..."The Prof" as we now affectionately call him..

I'll mortgage the flat if I have to.. (might have to)

BUT! tonight we heard the chemo has not been in vain but tumours have reduced by 30%!!

Hallelujah!!

(several dancing emojis later..)

Could not be happier.

Criiiiieeed with happiness. Even our rather serious oncologist gave a little air punch. More light in this darkness..

Got a bit tipsy with my lovely friend Anna..

I may have talked her face off..

Thinking I should still consider counselling though.. Had a slight panic attack, which was slightly mortifying around Paul - I'm concerned about what lies beneath the strong exterior and I need to get in shape to be strong for P and Cam going forward..

Yup, think that's a good idea.